*Unleashes colossal dump that stinks up the whole household.* *Opens up bathroom door.* *Dog approves of the pungent dump.* It seems like Robert Randolph had something to do with this absolutely, disgusting, bloodcurdling loss to the Bulls tonight. He does have something to do with tonight’s appalling loss. But there’s more. Don’t let the darn score fool you. The Knicks produced an exact carbon copy of the previous meeting against the Bulls at MSG, except, there wasn’t a deluge of ejections and technical fouls. But don’t get me wrong here; tonight’s crap gala was equally as horrid as last night’s defeat to the Pacers and the last game against the Bulls a few weeks ago. Essentially, the last two meetings against the Bulls were this: The Knicks would play like a broken record for the first three quarters, and then they would advance towards the front in the late 4th quarter with under two minutes to go. I mean, that’s a little to late to charge, wouldn’t you think? Tonight, the Knicks shot a god awful 6-23, which is 26.1% of shots made, in the first quarter. Then, the Knicks ended up shooting 29.8% through the first half of play. I don’t have a fish, but if I did, I would flush it down the toilet immediately, even if it was alive. I attempted to punch holes through my room wall, but my knuckles bruised because of how impenetrable the Bulls stonewall defensive barricades were yet again. The Knicks ended up shooting 41.1% for the game and scored 41 points in the fourth quarter, thanks to outstanding garbage time scoring, which even set up another bold comeback attempt that came up short. Here are some notes from this poopy game:
- Carmelo Anthony didn’t exactly haul ass in his 45 minutes of run. Melo made his first shot after missing his first six shots in the first quarter. He finished the quarter going 1-10 from the field. Melo’s shooting woes are to be blamed for him chucking up random shots at times, but most of it was because of Luol Deng’s harassing the hell out of him on defense all game. And you know why Deng was aggravating Melo? Because Mike Woodson doomed everyone by not starting Melo at the 4. By not doing that, a lineup that contained the Knicks big three (I hate that term so much, but I had to use it) of Melo, Amare, and Tyson failed just like last season. We all know what happens when those three guys are all on the court together at the same time. The end result is havoc, the havoc being Melo reverting back to his old 2011-12 ways: Playing iso ball on like every possession, abrogating the whole purpose of ball movement sequences that were being orchestrated throughout the whole game. The fact of the matter is that when Woody starts Melo at the power forward position, Melo gets in his zone. It was a genius move. And when he was at the 4 in this game, he wouldn’t have had to focus on Luol Deng while playing defense. Instead, J.R Smith could of been on Deng more, hence Deng’s first half explosion of 21 points. Too bad Woody started Krazy Eye Kurt over Melo at the 4. Oh well.
- Following his average performance in Indiana as the prime scoring option with Melo out due to suspension, J.R Smith stunk it up shooting 4-17. The Knicks training staff’s headband method to heal injury wounds may have taken it’s toll already. J.R pretty much did the same thing as Melo by chucking up shots on iso possessions, along with some lackadaisical defense. His SMOY campaign might come to a little halt after tonight’s game. After the game, J.R went out, took too much ecstasy, and on his ecstasy trip, he was picturing himself a rave, causing his headband bandage to fall off while dancing. You can see J.R at 1:23 in the video.
- Tyson Chandler had a dwindling game on offense only scoring 9 points on 3-8 shooting, mainly because without Raymond Felton at the helm, he can’t receive the daily alley oop or pick and roll assist. However, if you need a window cleaner, you got ol’ reliable on the glass. Tyson pulled down 18 rebounds. There were many Tyson Tipouts™ throughout this game, which made me happy. Although Tyson’s rebounding was immense, his defense slacked later in the game, as well as his free throw shooting, going 3-6 from the line, which made the Bulls propel into 15-20 point leads.
- I’m not even going to go into Amare Stoudemire’s latest defensive atrophy too much. STAT got into early foul trouble, getting tagged with three fouls by the end of the first half, later finishing with 5 fouls. I’m still wondering why Mike Woodson thinks that giving Amare minutes in the fourth quarter is a great idea, especially down the stretch, which is a horrible idea. Again, his switching on rotations were rotations that never should have happened.
- Instead of stepping on a crack, Kurt Thomas broke my mom’s back after falling on the hardwood in the early moments of the game. That moment was one of the moments that summed up the Knicks performance in the first three quarters. Fun but depressing fact: At one point, Kurt was the leading scorer going all the way into the second quarter with 6 points. Kurt actually ended with 6 points. Playing Kurt at center in a rotation was perhaps one of the ballsiest moves ever made by Woody this season. Oh, and when Kurt Thomas received a fast break pass from Prigs,’ I can picture him running in slow motion to “Chariots Of Fire.” But wait a second; isn’t it already slow motion when Kurt runs in real time?
- Jason Kidd wasn’t able to run the pick and roll because the Bulls play defense that resembles an electric fence. Therefore, the Bulls were covering the pick and roll lanes like it was a border fence. J-Kidd finished with a big fat 0 in the scoring column, going 0-6 from the field, and with no assists, but had 4 quiet rebounds. J-Kidd also passed up a couple of open shots because…who knows? Maybe his thought process screwed up because he was picturing Kirk Hinrich’s menacing face without his goggles on in his head.
- Instead of starting Ronnie Brewer (!) at small forward, James White started in place of Brewer. White actually played a decent game. He scored the first points of the game for the Knicks, providing the first forms of life in MSG. White finished with 11 points. The dunk contest is 34 days away, Flight. A new motivational booster for White is thinking about how he lost to David Lee in a high school dunk contest.
- Pablo Prigioni played 30 minutes, more than Jason Kidd (20), and was very efficient from the field, shooting 5-7, scoring 12 points and dished a team leading 8 assists. There were 3 cases of Grand Theft Prigs, but 5 cases of careless Prigs. Prigs found the pick and roll lanes more than J-Kidd did, but it was tough as nails to get through those lanes.
- Steve Novak did his dues by hitting 2-3 threes. Typical Novakaine performance. Nothing new here. Also, Novakaine, please continue to beef with Nate Robinson in the near future. You’ll school him every time. The best comeback Nate has is calling Stevak is a clown, just like when DeMar DeRozan called John Hollinger a clown.
- Chris Copeland will continue to do whatever he needs to do for his rookie hazing campaign.
- Marco Belly-Nelly pulled off an obvious flop everyone saw on J.R Smith.
- Joey Crawford was doing some kind of Flashdance jogging exercise and Kirk Hinrich looked at him going like “DA FUCK?”
- “ARGHHHHHHH, YOU STOLE MY SPOT, YA GODDAMN DUNKING FIEND”- said Ronnie Brewer, after discovering that James White was starting over him.
The injury of Raymond Felton is really affecting the way the Knicks are playing right now. Given what has happened throughout the past few games, Jason Kidd tends to play a lot better at the two guard spot than at point guard. Kidd gets gassed very fast, as well as Prigs, playing almost 30 minutes a game. Even though Ray shoots the Knicks out of games at times, we miss his alley oops, pick and rolls, and most importantly, his aggressive attacks to the tin. Felton coming off of dribble penetration is so awesome. Most of the time, it’s better when Felton is at the helm. Also, Carlos Boozer can go back to his Sharpie fade and his missed midrange jumpers. Meanwhile, Joakim Noah’s B-52’s hair bun is what made him block 4 shots. Lastly: If you’re ever bored and you want to have a party while a Bulls game is on, you can play the Tom Thibodeau drinking game. The Tom Thibodeau drinking game is where you have to drink every time Thibodeau’s voice cracks. Good luck on not trying to pass out. Tonight’s game also marks the first three game losing streak of Mike Woodson’s Knicks head coaching career.
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